


The (Wedding) Cake Is A Lie!

by AverageMarvelBitch



Series: Stony Shorts [7]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Fake Wedding AU, Fluff and funny, Happy Ending, Light Fic, M/M, No Angst, Saw this on Tumblr and couldn't resist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-01-16 06:54:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18516202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AverageMarvelBitch/pseuds/AverageMarvelBitch
Summary: Steve and Bucky get drunk and invite Tony Stark to their fake wedding, thanks to something they saw on the internet. Best case scenario, Tony's PA sends a gift without even wondering who the hell they are. Worst case scenario, the PA doesn't send shit.However, they didn't actually believe for a second that billionaire Tony Stark would call them up to RSVP to the freaking party!Well, time to plan a wedding, I guess!Fake Wedding AU - I saw something similar on Tumblr and couldn't resist!





	1. Chapter 1

There were many types of “drunk” in the world. The depressed drunks, like Bruce; the loose all my inhibitions drunk, like Thor ― which was how Bruce and Thor got together in the first place, when the latter decided to drink an entire bottle of vodka and recited a Scandinavian love poem to the scientist, who wept during the entire thing thinking Thor was professing his love to someone else. There were the happy drunks, like Sam and Clint who transformed any party into a karaoke party after a few drinks, and the “you can’t even tell I’m drunk” type, like Natasha. Then, there was the worst kind of drunk: the “let’s do something stupid that sounds really funny and ingenious now that we’re super drunk but will definitely come bite us in the ass later” kind of drunk, which was precisely the type of drunk Steve and Bucky were.

Throughout the years, the Brooklyn boys had lived many adventures, from the time they had gotten matching SpongeBob tattoos to the time when they woke up in the middle of a cornfield in Kansas, with Bucky wearing a very small Hello Kitty t-shirt that said “Fairy Princess” and Steve wearing, well, nothing but his underwear. How they had ended up in Kansas of all places was still a mystery to this day. So, really, after seeing the boys do so many dumb things over the years, Natasha didn’t think they could ever surprise her anymore. She was obviously wrong.

“You did what now?”

Steve and Bucky had the decency to look sheepish.

“Well, we were drunk…”

“ _Of course_ you were”, Natasha replied, rolling her eyes.

“We were drunk”, Bucky continued, “and we saw this thing on the internet, right, about how these billionaire have personal assistants who probably go through their mail, right, and how it would be incredibly easy to like send a wedding invitation to a billionaire and the assistant would probably send a dope gift even if they don’t know you because they probably wouldn’t even bother to try and find out who you were, right”.

“That is the stupidest thing I ever heard, but I do understand the math behind it”.

“Right, so, we made a wedding invitation using this weird website we found and sent it to Tony Stark and he kind of called today to invite us over for brunch at this stupid expensive hotel and to RSVP to the wedding”.

Natasha just stared at them, arms crossed in front of her chest. “So tell him it was a joke and that you two turn into the stupidest people in the entire universe when you drink”.

“We can’t do that”, Steve complained loudly, “he could send us to jail or something”.

“Tony Stark is not going to send you to jail for sending him a fake wedding invitation, you morons”.

“Okay, okay, we’ll tell him the truth”, Bucky agreed, “over brunch”.

Natasha rolled her eyes again, defeated.

“Fine, have brunch with him, but if you kiss my boyfriend, Rogers, I promise you I’ll rip off your balls”.

Steve just threw his hands in the air, in a clear gesture of surrender.

* * *

The hotel was huge. Bigger than any other place they had ever been in and fancier than anything they had ever seen. When they got there, a very polite man came over immediately and, upon hearing their names, asked them to accompany him to the restaurant where _Mr. Stark_ was waiting for them.

Steve knew he was in trouble as soon as he walked inside and saw Tony in his Armani suit, looking positively delectable. He actually stopped walking and just stared at the billionaire, his mouth hanging open, until Bucky cleared his throat to call for his attention. Embarrassed, he murmured a _sorry_ and followed his best friend to the table.

Tony’s smile was even more beautiful in person than it was in the magazines.

“Gentlemen! I’m glad you came, I know how busy you must be planning that wedding, huh? Please, sit down”.

Bucky and Steve sat down while Tony ordered them all something to drink.

“Can I get you anything? How about some champagne to celebrate?”

“We’re trying to cut the drinking for a while, Mr. Stark, so just water is fine if you don’t mind”.

Tony served both their glasses. “So, when is the wedding?”

“Yes, about that…” Bucky started, looking at Steve for help.

“We… We actually had to cancel the wedding, Mr. Stark. Too expensive, you know how it is. We’ll probably just wait a few more years and try them. Sorry for wasting your time, but thank you for being so nice to a couple of strangers”.

“Cancel? Nonsense! I’ll pay for the whole thing”.

Bucky choked on the brioche he was eating, prompting Steve to give him a very hard slap on the back.

“You what?” Bucky asked with tears in his eyes ― and most likely a couple of broken ribs.

“I’ll pay for the whole thing”.

“We couldn’t possibly…”

“Don’t worry about it”, Tony interrupted Steve with a smile, “I’m an eccentric billionaire, it’s what we do. Now, why don’t we have the wedding here? The place is absolutely beautiful, my PA got married here. I’m sure she would love to organize the whole thing for you”.

Bucky and Steve just looked at each other, not knowing what to say. Tony, probably thinking they were speechless out of gratitude for the gesture, got up from his chair, phone in hand.

“Well, it’s settled then. Let me call my PA and she will be here in a second. Then, we can discuss dates! Excuse me”.

He turned towards the patio, shouting “ _Pepper, love of my life”_ as he walked. Steve and Bucky, still silent, just stared at his back. Well, Bucky stared at his back. Steve was staring a little bit more south of there.

Bucky groaned. “Natasha is going to kill us”.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this was... A very stupid story and I hope you guys have fun lol

Natasha, as it turned out, was much less angry about the whole thing than they expected. She remained silent while Steve and Bucky told her everything that had happened during brunch and didn’t say a word, not even when they finished talking. Needless to say, they both just sat there, terrified, thinking of all the ways Natasha could kill them. After a while, however, she merely nodded.

“Okay. Let’s have a wedding, then”.

“Wait, what? You’re okay with that? Just like that?”

“I’m very much not okay with my boyfriend fake marrying his best friend, but I understand that telling the truth now would make you two look like drunk assholes so I’m going to accept this turn of events and try very hard not to strangle both of you on the foreseeable future”.

“That’s… That’s actually very reasonable. You know, _for you_ ”, Steve commented.

“So, we’re planning a wedding”.

“Yes, we are. Now, we need someone to officiate the wedding. Preferably someone who’s not ordained because we don’t actually want to get married”.

“Call Sam. He’ll do it”, Natasha replied, looking at her own cell phone, “We also need flowers and a caterer”.

“Actually, Tony took care of that too. He hired this awesome chef to make all the food and the cake and the sweets”.

Both Natasha and Bucky looked up. “Oh, it’s _Tony_ now, is it?” Natasha said with a smirk.

“Well”, Steve replied, defensively, “that’s his name, isn’t it?”

“Indeed it is, Stevie. I’m starting to think you have a crush on Mr. Stark”.

Steve’s face went red and he opened his mouth, probably to deny everything, but thought better of it and just groaned, covering his face.

“I knew it! That’s why you wanted to go to brunch so badly! You like him!”

“Yeah, okay, I like him. Happy now?”

“Stevie, you monumental bag of potatoes, why the hell didn’t you say something? You could’ve just told him it was a joke and asked him out”.

“Well, we’re gonna see him again for the rehearsal dinner, so maybe I’ll do it then”, Steve replied, defensively.

 Bucky and Natasha exchanged an amused look.

“Wow. It’s like his brain just vacated the premises”, Bucky said, shaking his head, “Steve, are you seriously thinking of asking Tony Stark out on your WEDDING REHEARSAL, you muppet?”

Steve seemed to finally realize his mistake. He moaned, covering his face, and fell to the side, pressing his face on the couch.

“What am I going to do?” he asked, voice muffled but the couch cushions.

“Well, we could pretend that the pressure of the wedding became too much and fight in front of him and then break up”.

“That is a horrible plan”, Natasha said, deadpanned, “You should do it”.

* * *

Steve knew he was being weird. A part of his brain, the part that hadn’t completely shut down after hearing the price of a cupcake ― it costed more than his rent, for God’s sake! ―, was screaming at him that he was being weird. _Take a breath, Stevie_ , the voice would say inside his head, sounding an awful lot like Sam, _you look like a gaping fish, dumbass_.

“I think Steve didn’t like this one”, he heard Tony say in a playful tone.

They were at a fancy bakery in Manhattan, surrounded by couples who were, much like them, deciding on flavors and designs for their wedding cakes. Steve was looking down at his own table, staring at the cupcakes and pieces of cake neatly aligned in front of him, the fancy glass of sparkling water on his right and the three tiny cups filled with different toppings for him to sample. The whole experience was surreal. He didn’t know how to act. Bucky, however, was not having such a problem.

“Yeah, he hates lemon”, he replied, already taking another bite of said lemon cake, moaning as he chewed, “this is absolutely delicious”.

“My favorite so far is the strawberry one, to be honest”.

“Yeah, that one was to die for. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten a cake this good in my entire life. Stevie, which one is your favorite?”

Steve finally looked up at Bucky, and then turned to look at Tony, blinking several times before answering.

“Ah, the strawberry one, yeah. And the coconut one”.

Tony moaned softly, an indecent sound that should definitely be illegal in Steve’s humble opinion. “Yeah, the coconut one was just perfect”.

Suddenly, Bucky dropped his fork on his plate, making a very loud sound, “Sure, you want the coconut one. God, Steve, could you be more of a dick?”

“I… What?”

“You KNOW I can’t have coconut. You KNOW I’m allergic, God, you’re so insensitive! So what, I’m not gonna have cake at my own wedding because YOU just needed to have the coconut cake, is that right?”

Steve blinked, utterly confused at Bucky’s behavior. He opened his mouth to answer, but closed it again when he noticed everyone was looking at them.

“Uh, I actually need to use the restroom, so… I’ll be right back”, Tony excused himself, throwing a very apologetic look at Steve.

When Steve was sure Tony was out of earshot, he turned to his best friend, angry.

“What the hell was that?”

“Dude, I’m following the plan, remember?” Bucky replied, rolling his eyes, “We need to make this breakup look real, dumbass”.

“Wait, we’re breaking up now?”

“No, not now. But we need to start the fighting, otherwise Tony won’t believe it when I actually dump your ass”.

Steve shook his head. “Excuse me, why are YOU dumping MY ass?”

“Stevie, come on”, his best friend replied, licking the frosting off his fork, “You’d have to be crazy to dump a hot piece of ass like me. It just wouldn’t be believable”.

“Does it ever get to heavy to carry?”

“What?”

“All the shit inside your big ass head”.

Bucky was ready to retort when Tony finally came back, sitting down.

“So, I was thinking… Since Steve liked to coconut one so much and you liked the strawberry one better, we should have two cakes! So there’s no need to fight anymore, I already ordered them both!”

“Tony, that’s… That’s too much”.

“Nonsense! Anything I can do to make this easier on you two! I know how hard planning a wedding can be for the couple, I remember when Pepper and Happy got married, it was a nightmare, so you can rest assured I’ll do everything in my power to make this whole thing as smooth as possible for you two!”

Bucky and Steve looked at each other, grimacing and then back at Tony, forcing a smile.

“Yeah, thanks for that, Tony, we really appreciate it!”

“No problem at all. Now, a toast to the soon to be husbands!” Tony replied, smiling and raising his glass.

Steve and Bucky did the same, trying very hard not to cry out of desperation.

* * *

The same thing happened over and over again. Every time Steve and Bucky started fighting over something to do with the wedding, Tony would intervene and bring a solution. They fought about literally everything: the color of the napkins, the food they would serve, the table decorations, the music, anything they could think about, really, was a reason to start screaming at each other. In one of those times, Bucky had even stormed out, crying and screaming _it’s over, this is over_ while Tony desperately tried to calm him down. It was awful and it was definitely not working.

“I don’t get it, why is he so invested in this? I mean, he doesn’t even knows us!” Bucky whispered his complaint to Steve while they both greeted the guests for the rehearsal dinner.

“I know, I don’t get it either. Maybe we should just come clean”, Steve replied, shaking the hand of a person he was pretty sure he had never seen before in his life, “who are all these people anyway?”

“I told Clint and Sam to invite some people, to pretend to be our friends and family”.

“You did WHAT?”

“Dude, what was I suppose to do? It would be weird if we had like five friends over for the wedding and no family!”

Steve didn’t even bother to reply and just focused on greeting a bunch of people he had never seen before in his life.

The dinner part passed without any problems and they actually had a lot of fun. They talked and drank good champagne with Clint, Sam and Nat while Wanda danced with some guy Steve could’ve sworn said his name was Vision and Pietro flirted with a girl who was clearly enamored with him. It was only after the best men toasts ― Sam and Clint had told every dirty little secret they knew about the fake couple ― that Steve finally found time to talk to Tony.

He found the billionaire standing outside, looking at the beautiful gardens ahead.

“Breathtaking, isn’t it? I’m glad you decided to move the wedding here”, Tony said when he noticed Steve approaching.

To be fair, _they_ hadn’t decided anything. Bucky had just thrown a tantrum saying the beautiful, very expensive hotel they had rented was not ideal and they should just call off the wedding and wait for the beautiful space at the hotel upstate to be available. There was an eight months waiting list, but hey, it was worth the wait. It took Tony less than three minutes on the phone to get it for them at the exact date Bucky wanted. So yeah, that plan had backfired.

“It really is”, Steve agreed, standing right next to Tony, “you’ve been doing a lot for us, Tony. You really didn’t have to”.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m just happy I’m able to make this dream of yours come true!”

“Yeah, it’s definitely…” _a complete nightmare I would very much like to wake up from_ , “a dream”.

“Something wrong?” Tony asked, worried.

“Just… Not sure this is the right thing to do”.

“Well, you love Bucky, don’t you?”

“I… Yeah, but… I don’t think it’s the kind of love for marriage”, Steve tried, grimacing at his own words.

“Wow. Well, you need to really think about this, Steve. You don’t want to make a mistake and have to live with it for the rest of your life”.

“Yeah. Yeah. I just don’t think we could make each other happy”, he insisted.

“Oh, I don’t know… You’re amazing, Steve. Anyone would be lucky to have such an incredible, kind, handsome man like you. And I know we haven’t known each other for long, but…” this time, Tony grabbed Steve’s hand and squeezed it, looking anywhere but into his baby blue eyes, “… you deserve someone who respects and loves you. And if you think that isn’t Bucky, then you should talk to him. I’m sure everyone would understand”.

“Would you? I mean, you’re paying for all this and it would all go to waste”.

“Nah, don’t worry about that. It’s not like you lied to me all this time, you just figured out that maybe you and Bucky are not ready to marry, that’s totally understandable”.

 _It’s not like you lied to me all this time_ , the words circled through Steve’s head, _oh God, I can’t tell him_.

“Hey, talk to Bucky, okay? Let me know if I need to make some calls”, Tony said, giving Steve a hug, “everything is going to be fine”, he whispered, before leaving.

_Oh my God, what are we going to do?_

* * *

“Okay, we need to get married”.

“I’m sorry, what?”

Tony had paid for Nat, Bucky, Sam, Clint and Steve to stay at the hotel that night, so they wouldn’t have to go back home only to return some hours later for the actual wedding. They were all in Steve’s room, drinking and chatting, when the blonde finally walked in, looking more terrified than he ever had before.

“We need to get married. Coulson can say he’s ordained and he can marry us and it will be all fake so it’s no problem and we pretend were married for a few months and then break up”.

Everybody just stared at him.

“Why the ever loving fuck would we do that?!” Bucky asked, “Pal, we already have a plan, a perfectly good plan, a plan that doesn’t involve me marrying your sorry ass!”

“Fake marrying”, Steve corrected.

“I don’t fucking care, Stevie, I’m not marrying you. Not sober, anyway”, he added, taking another long sip from his bottle.

“Why can’t you just have a huge fight tomorrow morning and be done with it?”

“Because Tony spent a lot of money on this, okay? And if we break up tomorrow before the wedding he might get suspicious. Or worse, he might think I’m still hang up on you and he won’t want anything to do with me”.

“Do you hear yourself? You sound like a crazy person right now”.

“No, he’s right”, Nat said, nodding, “You have to do it”.

“WHAT? What side are you own?”

“Imagine if Stark gets suspicious. Imagine if he learns we’ve all been lying to him. He could go to the cops, say we were robbing him”.

“We’re not robbing him! He offered to pay for all this!” Bucky complained, looking terrified.

“Yeah, who you think the cops are gonna believe? The dumbass who looks like a homeless person or the guy who owns the biggest technology company in the world?” Clint supplied, calmly.

Bucky just stared at his friends for a moment before finishing his bottle.

“Call Coulson, we’re getting married”.

* * *

Everything so far was going according to plan. The people Sam and Clint had invited to pretend they were Steve’s and Bucky’s friends and family had all arrived and were sitting down in their respective seats, all quietly waiting for the ceremony. Both Steve and Bucky were already dressed and waiting to walk down the aisle. Everything was going fine. And that’s, of course, when everything went wrong.

Clint appeared all of a sudden, huffing like he had just ran a marathon.

“Coulson’s sick. He can’t make it”.

“WHAT?”

“Apparently, he’s throwing up like crazy, he can’t make it”

“Okay, we need a backup plan”, Steve said, trying to calm himself down.

“Yeah, there’s only one problem”.

“What?”

“Tony knows and brought a minister”.

“WHAT?”

As if summoned by the mere mention of his name, Tony showed up, a big smile on his face.

“Hey. There was a slight issue with the program, but don’t worry, everything is fixed. My friend Rhodey is ordained and he’s gonna marry you guys. So, chop chop, it’s time, lovebirds”.

Not knowing what else to do, Steve and Bucky just nodded and turned as the doors opened. The music started playing softly on the background as they walked down the aisle. Sam and Nat took the front, with Clint and Wanda right behind them. Steve was sure the whole scene looked beautiful for anyone watching, but he, well, he just felt like throwing up.

“We could always get a divorce, right?” Bucky asked right before they stopped in front of a very well dressed man, probably Rhodey. Rhodey, who was ordained. Rhodey, who was going to marry them. Bind them forever in the eyes of… Well, everyone.

“Dear beloved…”

“STOP!” someone screamed. It took Steve a moment to notice that the shout came from him.

Everybody was staring in silence. The man, Rhodey, was looking at him, an eyebrow raised, waiting for Steve to talk.

“Steve? What’s wrong?” Tony asked from the front row, getting up.

“I can’t do this. Okay, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Tony, but we were lying”.

“You… What?”

“Look, Buck and I, were friends. We’ve been friends ever since we were kids and sometimes we get drunk and we do stupid stuff and we got drunk and thought it would be funny to send you an invitation to our fake wedding so maybe you would send us like a gift or something and then you called and you wanted to pay for the whole thing and I kinda wanted to spend time with you so we didn’t tell you anything and then it just got bigger and bigger until we couldn’t tell you because you were spending a shitload of money on this and we felt so bad but I can’t marry Bucky because I’m pretty sure Natasha would cut my balls off and I kinda really like you and I wanted to ask you out and I wouldn’t be able to if I married Bucky and I’m just SO SORRY”.

Tony just blinked, staring at Steve.

“Well, at least he’s just as insane as you, Tones”, Rhodey said, rolling his eyes.

“I… What?”

Tony smiled. And then he laughed, shaking his head.

“Steve, I know you and Bucky were never together. I know Bucky and Natasha are the ones dating. And I knew you were lying”.

“Since when?” Bucky asked, his voice sounding all funny and high.

“Since you sent me the invitation”.

“But… How?”

“Well,” Tony replied, still smiling, “remember three months ago? You were at the Maria Stark Gallery showing your work?” When Steve nodded, dumbfounded, he continued, “I saw you. I couldn’t talk to you at the time, too busy, and then I had to leave because I had an emergency at SI and I didn’t have a chance to talk to you. I knew your name and where you lived, but I couldn’t just go after you like some sort of stalker, so I decided to wait until the next time you were at the gallery. Imagine my surprise when I received an invitation to your wedding in my mail a month later”.

“But… How did you know about Bucky and Nat?”

“Natasha worked for Pepper for a little while. I got her phone and called. She thought my plan to pretend to believe you guys was hilarious and helped me out”.

“YOU WHAT?” Bucky screamed, turning to his girlfriend, who was smiling cheekily.

“Payback for all those times you two idiots got drunk and almost gave me a heart attack. Also, everybody else was in it too”, she said, gesturing to Clint, Sam and Wanda.

“You’re kidding”.

“Nope, it was hilarious”.

“So, you’re not mad at us?” Steve asked Tony, looking lost.

“No, I’m not mad. In fact”, he said, turning to the people who were sitting down behind them, “great job, everyone, time to party”.

Everyone cheered and got up, waking towards the ballroom.

“Well, this was… Not fun at all and I need a drink. Or four”, Bucky said, taking of his tie and grabbing his girlfriend’s hand, “Anyone up for some champagne? I feel like celebrating the fact that I didn’t in fact marry down”.

Steve felt very tempted to slap the back of Bucky’s head, but refrained, instead watching as everyone else left the room, leaving only Tony and him behind.

“So”.

“So”

“Would it be weird to ask you out on my failed fake wedding day?”

“A little bit, yeah. But I happen to like weird”, Tony replied, taking Steve’s hand and pulling him towards the door, “So, were you actually going to marry him? Because, to be honest, you could totally do so much better”, he joked when the blonde pulled him closer, arm on his shoulders, hugging him.

“Damn right I could”, Steve agreed with a serious expression that quickly turned into a smile.

* * *

Later that night, Bucky and Steve were sitting at a table, watching Tony and Nat laughing in the middle of dance floor.

“So… This definitely tops all the other times we got stupid drunk, right?”

“Definitely”, Steve said, taking a sip of his glass and looking at Bucky, “At least this time nobody woke up in the middle of a corn field with no pants on”.

“Well”, Bucky replied, drinking some more, “the night is still young”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm all out of energy bars, but I hear comments are super healthy and they give you that extra energy boost you need, so how about leaving me some?  
> Also, follow me on Tumblr (; https://www.tumblr.com/blog/averagemarvelbitch


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